Radical Self Love Questions

A bit over a week ago Gala Darling published a blog with some questions to ask ourselves about Radical Self Love. I read the questions. And then I took a while to digest the questions. Today I finally found the courage to tackle some of the questions. I don't know why I was so reluctant to answer the questions. Well, now I've thought about some of the questions. I have to say the answer to the first question was a lot longer when I thought about it in my head, but when I wrote it down it came together in a more succinct way and yet still says everything I think about it. In any case I left extra space in my note book in case I decide to expand on it. So without any further ado, here are my answers to some of the questions:

What does Radical Self Love mean to you?
Radical Self Love to me pure and simply means to love oneself. Of course there are many aspects to it. It means striving to be the best person one can be, but to also accept and learn to love one's faults and weaknesses. Taking the bad with the good and attempting to live life to its fullest.

If you were engaging in Radical Self Love on a daily basis what tould it look like?
In response to this questions I drew a picture of myself hugging myself and smiling. Just looking at it makes me smile. :)

What small pieces of that can you bring into your life today?
Even though I didn't answer the previous questions with words I surprised myself by actually having concepts in my head that went along with the picture. :) My answer to this qustion was:
Treat my body well: - Sleep enough (or at least try)
- Get regular exercise (I just joined a gym!)
- Not eating too much junk and substituting in healthier food where possible

Dressing up and looking the best I can so I can be proud walkng around, even if I'm not feeling great or I'm in a bad mood or I'm feeling lonely. :)

Telling myself that I'm awesome on a daily basis.

I wrote the next two questions into my Radical Self Love Bible and left a page free each to answer them. I'll post them on here when I've answered them.

It's Radical Self-Love Month!

I've decided to participate in Radical Self-Love Month on iCiNG. I think Gala Darling is a genius for coming up with the idea! She is also super adorable!

I have to say this past week I've been having a few less than sterling days. I'd been feeling uninspired during practise sessions and had a general feeling of listlessness. It all came to a head on Thursday last week when I had what I later realised was PMS combined with the sort of day where you get out of the shower only to realise that you should've washed your hair. Needless to say I wasn't feeling great. I wasn't certain what I was going to do this year as I had gotten a phone call the day before saying that there was some confusion as to what I was actually planning on doing this year. Apparently there had been some misunderstandings and now there was some uncertainty as to whether I'd be able to go into the third year of the Bachelor of Music as I had intended to do. I went into uni on the Thursday with the intention of talking with the head of strings at the conservatorium. I wasn't looking forward to it because I wasn't feeling very reasonable. The last thing I wanted to do was throw a tantrum. :P So I had a meeting with the head of strings. Actually I had two, one in the morning, one in the afternoon, both very informal (one in my practise room, the other in the hallway) to discuss what I'd be doing this year. In the end he suggested that it might be better for me to do single studies (doing select units rather than all the units which are part of a bachelor) instead of the bachelor. At first I was a bit taken aback. Did they think I wasn't good enough? But the more I thought about it the more I liked the idea. The reason I am deferring the final year of my bachelor of education is to get better at playing the viola. If I do single studies and just have lessons and participate in ensembles I will have way more time to practise than if I do the full bachelor programme which includes history, aural, harmony and a few other things. Now I'm really excited for the year. I'm planning on practising 6 hours a day (minimum). A year to just practise! :D I told my viola teacher and he said that sounded like Paradise! I want to start with my practise regime next week (if I'm not doing the bachelor there is not much point in sticking to normal semester times and the sooner I start with my ultra-charged practise the better!). No more holidays for me! And what better way to kickstart this fresh new year than by participating in Radical Self-Love Month? I am certain I will need to love myself and be happy with me and all my strength in kicking off my new regime. It won't be easy but I believe that I can do it!

I mentioned before that I was feeling kind of down on Thursday. Apart from the happiness that stemmed from knowing that I would have a year to just practise (Yay!) I was still feeling a little lethargic yesterday and today. However, then a few things happened that lifted my mood. :) Firstly, I got the latest Gala's Guide to Radical Self Love blog in my inbox. It contained a video with the first assignment. I had to find a journal and write down a mantra for radical self love month and also find a totem. I scrounged around my room. There were plenty of journals but none that didn't already have something in it. I wanted a completely new journal. So I went to the local newsagent and bought a journal. Just a generic exercise book. I didn't really need anything fancy so I got a lined exercise book with 96 pages. I don't care what it looks like on the outside, it's what's on the inside that counts. :P While I was there I bought two more of the same exercise book to use during the year as I plan out my practise sessions and work out the best way to keep myself motivated and not waste this precious year. I also bought a lot of butterfly stickers. I thought I might decorate the outside of the journal with them. Gala calls it the Radical Self Love Bible. :D But then I realised that the plain exterior of my Radical Self Love Bible makes what's inside it all the more exciting! Like a delicious little secret. Next I tried to think of my mantra. I was having trouble defining my thoughts. I was still feeling a little out of sorts and not sure what to do. Sure, I want to love myself, but that seemed a little broad. I've been getting better at loving myself in general anyway, so I wanted something a little more specific. I had less trouble finding a totem to remind myself of my mantra and to love myself! I got a heart shaped mirror from Ikea for my birthday from one of my friends. At the time my room was too messy to find any room for it so I left it in its wrapping and put it on my desk on top of other stuff. But a few weeks ago I finally cleaned my room properly. And then today I unpacked the mirror and propped it up on my desk. I love it! It reflects the ceiling when I'm sitting in my bed and looks quite glowy and magical! :) When I'm standing directly in front of it it reflects my tummy and thighs which made me smile when I first realised it, because those are the parts of me I'm most critical about. However it's difficult to criticise anything that is reflected in a heart shaped mirror. I have to bend down a little to see my face reflected in the mirror, or sit down, but that's ok.

So, next I really had to come up with a mantra. I decided to read through the comments people left after Gala's video. And sure enough I found my inspiration in things that two other people put as their mantra. I don't remember who wrote the comments and I'm too tired to check. (I'm sorry.) But I ended up with writing "Be You. Find You. Be Happy With That." At the top of the page in pink pen. Then I stuck a pink metallic butterfly sticker underneath that. Further down the page I wrote: "Life will break you. Nobody can protect you from that, and living alone won't either, for solitude will break you with its yearning. You have to love. You have to feel. It is the reason you are here on earth. You are here to risk your heart. You are here to be swallowed up. And when it happens that you are broken, or betrayed, or left, or hurt, or death brushes near, let yourself sit by an apple tree and listen to the apples falling all around you in heaps, wasting their sweetness. Tell yourself you tasted as many as you could. - Louise Erdrich". Both those things struck a chord with me when I first read them. I need to be myself and be aware that being myself, finding myself, knowing who I am is good enough for me to be happy. I should be happy with who I am. If I am not I need to find out why and strive to improve myself, or learn to love myself with all my imperfections. Above all I have to be myself. The paragraph by Louise Erdrich really made an impression on me. I have a tendency to be very cautious when it comes to love, maybe overly so. I've been told this is partially because I am a Cancer. I chose to write the paragraph in my Radical Self Love Bible to remind myself to let go and love. And to taste all the apples I can. :) So that is the very start of this Radical Self Love Month. I am excited to see how it goes from here.

Anyway, I mentioned that a few things happened to cheer me up. :) The first was the above mentioned video by Gala Darling. The second was that I read my horoscope for February on Susan Miller's Astrology Zone. And boy does February look like a good month! Just reading the forecast made me smile. :) Even if it does not all go as great as the forecast predicts knowing that there is a chance that it might made me feel better. I especially like what she wrote about Valentine's day: "You seem to have everything going for you, for on February 14, the moon will be in the divine-for-Cancer sign of Pisces, and Venus, Jupiter, and the moon will all be hugging each other closely in a near-perfect alignment. This is so remarkable that if you are single, you must promise me you will circulate." ... you must promise me you will circulate. I find this so endearing. Actually, in the entire forecast Susan Miller seems genuinely excited about the exciting and great month she is predicting for all cancers out there. It's so sweet. :D And then I read my crushe's forecast, as one does. :P The month also looks great for him, if slightly differently. I already had a grin on my face from reading my forecast and reading all the success that might potentially be coming his way made me smile more because I will be very happy for him if he does get success! :) I strongly suggest you go read your forecast this months. The planets seem to be in great alignment for all star signs and reading a favourable horoscope is always a great pick-me-up. :D
Another thing that cheered me up was talking online with friends. And receiving a text message from a friend thanking me for the "sweet text message" I'd sent her. :D And tomorrow I'm going to a lovely lovely friend's wedding ceremony. I am so happy for her. Not quite sure what I'll wear yet. I'll figure something out... Truly life has many good things to be happy about. The future looks great. And I can't wait to "circulate" on Valentine's Day. :P

Things I Love Thursday...

Now I love the idea of this and have shame-lessly stolen the idea from Gala Darling. You should check out her blog. It is fabulously amazing! I absolutely love it!

So now to my things I love for this week:

50s Housewive Chic I'm on holidays at the moment so I have the time to actually think about what I'm wearing and make myself look pretty. And then do housework in dresses, heels and with full make up. And grocery shopping (minus the heels because I had to walk to the shops). A couple of days ago I made Chocolate Rum Pots. I felt very 50s housewive chic. :D

Roller Skating I hadn't been in years and then a friend told me that she went roller skating and I thought I should do it again sometime. So I've been roller skating two days in a row and I'm pretty cautious and unfit but it's still such a blast! :D Almost like flying.

Pink Nailpolish, Discovering clothes you forgot you had in your closet, Cookbooks, Creamy cocktails, Holidays, Kahlua chocolates, Sequins, fabulous dresses, Getting drunken text messages that make you smile :), Weddings (tis the season), Not wearing black, Bakerella, Looking at photo albums, old school Nintendo 64, Friends :), Mini Marshmellows, Cute guys, Going for late night solitary walks then tracking down the nearest swingset and swinging under the full moon (what can I say, I'm a Cancer, I thrive at night by full moon :P), Reading the horoscope of the guy you have a crush on to see what his day is going to be like..., Butterflies, Dreaming of winter in summer, Looking pretty, Getting compliments from strangers when you weren't sure if your outfit was too much, Music, Dinosaurs, Bookstores, Getting postcards, Drinking mochas, Secret admirers, Not so secret admirers, Diaries (and getting organised), new things, old things

That's pretty much it. :) Keep smiling.

Hugs, Kisses and Fluffy Bunnies...

It's been a while since I wrote on this blog. I get so busy and lazy.
A lot has happened. I've been on the WAYO tour. Unfortunately that didn't end too well. I won't go into detail here but it was very sad and one member of the orchestra will be sorely missed by all his friends and family.

Actually it has just occured to me that if I just write down everything this will be a very long and rambling post. So I've decided to create lots of little posts. That way if I get bored half-way through it doesn't matter so much. And hopefully it will make more sense, because it will force me to order my thoughts a little more.

I will leave this post with a lovely picture I found in the Life Archives on Google I think. It's model Jenny Belle wearing a visible slip. Pretty.

Very unlike me...

So I love cook books. Which is a little strange because I'm not a huge fan of cooking. Actually, that is not entirely true. I don't mind cooking as such and I always try to think of ways to improve a recipe. I'm also not a terrible cook. Things I cook usually turn out quite delicious. I do however hate the post-cooking cleanup. Guh. Cleaning the kitchen... :S

Anyway, so on Tuesday we're having two run-throughs of the opera. One is the Sitzprobe, which we were meant to have on Monday, but which got moved to Tuesday because most of the brass players will still be in Melbourne, where they attended the brass festival, on Monday. So now the Sitzprobe, which is a run-through of the entire opera without costumes, is on Tuesday in the morning. Also on Tuesday we have the Dress Rehearsal 1, which was already scheduled for Tuesday evening anyway. This is a run-through of the opera with the cast in costume and the orchestra dressed in black. For some reason we're having two dress rehearsals, one on Tuesday and one on Wednesday. So we poor orchestra members will have run out of blacks before the opera even starts proper performances. :P There will also be a photographer present at one or both dress rehearsals to take photos for publicity purposes.

The opera, by the way, is Dialogues of the Carmelites by Francis Poulenc, though the singers will be singing in English and not the original French. Performances are in the Geoff Gibbs Theatre at WAAPA from Saturday, the 10th until Saturday, the 17th of October, although there are no performances on Sunday and Thursday. Tickets are available from the WAAPA box office during office hours and presumably also at the door.

So with Tuesday being such a long day (the dress rehearsal starts at 7.30 pm and finishes around 10.30 pm) I thought I'd bake something to eat during the day, and maybe share with fellow prisoners of the opera. ;-)

So far I haven't quite decided what I'm going to bake. At first I thought I might bake savoury versions of the mini pumpkin pies I saw on www.bakerella.com but then I couldn't find any canned pumpkins anywhere, so I guess that is out of the question. So then I went through my collection of recipes and cookbooks (of which I have a few, because as I said, I love cookbooks!) and picked out possible things for me to bake. So far I've narrowed it down to:

Chicken and Mushroom sausage rolls


or Corn and Bacon Muffins


or maybe Banana Muffins


I don't know. So far the sausage rolls seem most appealing to me. Somehow I've never been particularly attracted to muffings. Although I do prefer savoury muffins, so the corn an ham muffins aren't totally out of the question either. I really don't know. I want to reach a decision tonight so that I can buy the ingredients tomorrow. Hmmm... maybe I'll come across some other recipe that decides it for me once and for all...

Holidays. Finally!

Today I spent all day in bed. It was glorious. I like to spend at least one day during each break in bed, reading, watching movies, surfing the net... Just relaxing.
So we finally have our mid-semester break at ECU. Calling it a mid-semester break is a bit of a joke though, because we've already had 9 teaching weeks. After the break WAAPA has another project week followed by three more teaching weeks and then it's exams already. Wow.

This break isn't all that relaxing either. On Monday it was a public holiday. Queen's birthday? And I had a conducting test at uni. Still, that unit is finished now, so at least that gives me some more time and less stress on Mondays from now on. Tomorrow my quartet is rehearsing at uni from 12 til 2 pm. I'm hoping to drop off my last overdue library book (I couldn't find it when I dropped off the other ones) at Joondalup library and grab an early lunch at Joondalup shopping centre before I head into uni. A very early lunch. Maybe something from the spud bar? I'm not usually a huge potato fan, but I love their Ciao Bella spud, even though it's Italian. It contains cheese, mushroom, mild chilli bean, tomato, wilted spinach, light sour cream and chives. And of course I always also have butter on my spud. It's absolutely delicious. I reckon if I ever get sick of it I might try one of the other ones or build my own. They all sound so good. :D

After the break I'm going to be full on busy again. I want to try to write my education assignments which are due the first thursday back during the break and I guess I'd better make a reasonable attempt at cleaning my room, to keep my parents happy. Sigh. No more days in bed until the summer break for this young lady. :S

So embarassing... if he ever finds out. :P

I hate it when I can't remember someone's name and it gets to the point where it's just too late to ask for it. Gah. To fully understand my predicament, I have to go back, to last semester.

I was wandering through the hallways at WAAPA looking for a practise room. There weren't any. Just as I was about to give up a door opened, and this guy asked if I was looking for a practise room. He said I could have his, because he had a lesson but would I mind if he left his stuff there. I said that wasn't a problem and started practising, delighted at having found a practise room. It was great, because I was looking after his stuff (bag, laptop, instrument case) I didn't want to leave the room, which I occasionally do when only my stuff is in the room. I think it's one of the most focused practise sessions I've ever had. :D After an hour he came back in and I asked if he needed his room back. He said no, and explained that he now had a lecture with his instrumental teacher, which he was running late for. He told me who his teacher was, but I can't remember. Maybe Paul Pooley? He asked if I minded if he left his bass in the room and I said no worries. So I remained in the room for another hour and did some practise. After that hour the guy came back to grab his bass. I'd had enough of practise and decided to leave the room as well. So while we were both packing up and grabbing our stuff we talked for a bit. Introduced ourselves and said which course we're doing and what instrument we play. I'm pretty sure he said he's doing contemporary bass. Pretty sure. So then we both left and I saw him when I was eating dinner in the lower foyer later that afternoon and he was leaving to go home. Oh right, it was a Friday, so I was going out straight from the city. My sister had a modelling competition. :D

So I was really happy that I had a room and was very greatful and told everybody about the nice guy who let me have his practise room. :D I couldn't remember his name but I figured it didn't matter because I thought he probably wouldn't remember mine either. We passed each other a couple more times at WAAPA over the next few weeks and said hi, or gave a nod each time. So I though, ok, cool, he doesn't remember my name either. :D However, in one of the last few weeks of last semester (first semester of 2009) I was running late for a class in building 14 having had a chamber music rehearsal at WAAPA in building 1. As I was walking I could see that jazz/contemporary concert practice must've just finished because the jazz and contemp students were making their way back to WAAPA or their cars from building 17 where their concert prac is held. As I was reaching the building next to building 14 I crossed paths with that guy again. And he said: "Hi Cristina, how's it going?" I smiled and told him I was fine, running late for class, how are you? After he said he was good or whatever I said bye and walked off quickly to get to class. I though: "Oh crap, he knows my name, and I have no idea what his name is." I knew that he was a first year contemporary bassist, so that was something. However none of my friends I asked about him knew who I was talking about. So I still don't know his name. Whic I guess wouldn't be so bad.

But then today I was heading towards the aroma cafe after doing some practise and saw some of my fellow third years looking for the location of their harmony class (I'm not enrolled in that unit because I'm doing education). I suggested where I thought the class might be and cheerfully sent them on their way with a: "Have fu-uuun!!!" :D I was about to follow them on my way to the cafe when that guy walked past and said hi. I said hi back and we were almost past each other when he said: "Oh, wait.", and pulled me back. I said: "yes?" and smiled. He said: "Would you be interested in going to the casino on Saturday?" I said: "Sure!" He said something along the lines of: "It's just some WAAPA students going. Saturday at 8 o'clock." I said: "cool." He said: "Well, that was easy." I said: "Yeah, I'll see if I can make it." And we both walked off. :)I'm not exactly sure what possessed me to say Sure! so enthusiastically without knowing any of the details. I think I'm still in holiday mode. After I walked away I realised that I still didn't remember his name. Although I think it might be Stephen. Also, how am I going to get there? And where exactly are they meeting at 8? Burswood isn't exactly small. Even narrowing it down to the casino doesn't help much. Although I guess they'd meet at the entrance. And who else is going? Do I know any of them? Presumably they're mostly first year jazz or contemporary students. I don't know many of them. I'm friends with some second and third years and some of the Cert students. Oh, wait, I guess I do know a couple of jazz/contemp first years although not that well. And why did he ask if I wanted to go? We're not really close friends or anything. I talked with him once quite a while ago (it can't have been later than early June). So I figured I'd leave it open-ended if he asks me if I'm going on Saturday. I sent a text message to a friend who I've been meaning to go out with for ages and asked her if she wanted to go out on the weekend. She said yes and suggested Saturday. We both figured Burswood was the place to go, so unless she cancels at the last minute again I will be in Burswood, just not necessarily in the casino. I guess if I see whatever his name is I'll say that I forgot that I'm going out with my friend, but if she cancels at the last minute which she did the last two or three times (although I may have cancelled one of them, actually) I might go to the casino. Life's so complicated. I wish I had a better memory for names. I wonder if he's got a nametag on his bass case or bag. :-/